I came across this article this morning on Huffington Post online in the parenting section and thought it was interesting enough to share here. It also got me thinking about how we live our lives and what we are doing to make sure our kids live better lives than we did and that we are arming them mentally for the world they will soon be a part of.
Parents often talk about how they want their children to live a better life than they did but from my experience I don’t often see the action to follow that up. When you look around at our society I believe there is enough evidence out there that proves my point. We want our kids to have better lives and do better than we did yet we’re giving them decades of our baggage to carry around for the rest of their existence.
We talk about building them up but we’re raising them in chaos. The problem is that we don’t see the chaos because we’re either in denial or have become so tolerant to the chaos that it simply doesn’t seem like chaos to us anymore.
So how are we doing right by our kids when we don’t see, feel, or think we’re doing anything wrong?
I don’t have the answer…but lucky for you I have an opinion.
I think we need to stop and listen. We need to listen to our kids and we need to listen to the dialogue going back and forth between us and them. I think we need to police ourselves…our actions and our words. I’m 36 years old and your words don’t impact me like they might a 3 year old. I think we need to think like a child again. I think we need to see the world through their eyes and re-learn how amazing and magical this thing really is. I think we need to share our knowledge and experience with them but not bog them down with our prejudices, our frustrations, our worries, our hate, or our fear. They will find theirs soon enough…they don’t need our help with that crap.
It’s funny…I find myself staring into Sammy’s eyes sometimes and no kidding, it’s like a whole new world opens up to me. Other times I will watch him as he is looking at something and trying to figure it out but I will try really, really hard to try to see it the way he does.
So are we doing right by our kids?
The link I shared above struck me because of what she was giving to her kids. She was giving them life lessons in a very humorous and open way. She is not a perfect parent, none of us are; but I think it’s our responsibility to remind each other and support each other on this journey of parenthood. I think it’s our obligation to one another and to ourselves. We have the power to shape the future right here, right now, with each interaction and with each look and with each word and with the tone those words are said.
But again…are we doing right by our kids?
Are you too busy to reevaluate? Are you too stressed out and worried about money to step back and reassess how your kids may be feeling?
I know I’ve been stressed out when I have Sammy and Annie is off at work. I’ve had those moments where I NEED to get work done on the computer but he needs me too. I choose him. He deserves the best me that I can give him and I will do whatever it takes to continually reevaluate what I’m doing. He deserves this and I do not want to let him down. He will understand that there are times when work comes first but he will not learn that from an angry word or an angry hand. I think every single child deserves our best…don’t you?
Dig what you are doing here Matt & Annie!
As a work from home father/husband I find myself with the same challenges. Even my 3 month old goes from happy to upset if I begin on my phone/twitter/e-mail while holding her. Kids are often sharper than we give them credit for. In our home we have some set boundaries.
Boundaries can be totally freeing and help alleviate some of the stresses and pressures. One of our boundaries is no phones at the table, unless of a special circumstance (rare). Today my wife and I have traded some scheduled time in the day. I’ve got until lunch, and then I take over…..although when she goes back to work very soon I’ll be solo three days a week.
It is simply defined clear expectations. I’ll expect on those three days a week that work will be considered extra credit. We have time set aside for family time, and time set for each of us. Simply having a set mindset helps remove the pull I would otherwise feel to run to my computer to work. When I’ve heard so many old people talk about how they’d have lived differently…..not one of them has said. “I wish I had been away from my family more and spent more time working.”
I find myself the continual student as a father going through the different stages of a near four year old, and doing it again with an infant. I do not pretend to know it all, but have learned a lot along the way. I hope to learn more from you three!
Cheers Brown family!
Shawn
@awanderingwino Well put Shawn. I think each family needs to find their balance and the boundaries that work for them. It’s definitely not always easy but it’s always worth it. I’ve learned to walk away from work when I hear that certain type of cry from Sammy. It use to be hard to walk away from work but I just don’t care…honestly. He’s more important than my work…besides, if I want to work that bad I can do it pretty much any time of day (10pm, 3am, noon) depending on what’s happening. Pretty flexible.
It’s amazing though…I have him 3 days a week right now and soon that will go to 4 days a week and possibly 5. So, more learning along the way for me. LOL. Thanks again Shawn, cheers to you and your family. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Dig what you are doing here Matt & Annie!
As a work from home father/husband I find myself with the same challenges. Even my 3 month old goes from happy to upset if I begin on my phone/twitter/e-mail while holding her. Kids are often sharper than we give them credit for. In our home we have some set boundaries.
Boundaries can be totally freeing and help alleviate some of the stresses and pressures. One of our boundaries is no phones at the table, unless of a special circumstance (rare). Today my wife and I have traded some scheduled time in the day. I’ve got until lunch, and then I take over…..although when she goes back to work very soon I’ll be solo three days a week.
It is simply defined clear expectations. I’ll expect on those three days a week that work will be considered extra credit. We have time set aside for family time, and time set for each of us. Simply having a set mindset helps remove the pull I would otherwise feel to run to my computer to work. When I’ve heard so many old people talk about how they’d have lived differently…..not one of them has said. “I wish I had been away from my family more and spent more time working.”
I find myself the continual student as a father going through the different stages of a near four year old, and doing it again with an infant. I do not pretend to know it all, but have learned a lot along the way. I hope to learn more from you three!
Cheers Brown family!
Shawn
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