Depression. I think that word conjures up many things for most people. Maybe you have depression. Maybe you know someone that has it. What’s worse…you may know someone that has lost their battle with it.
I’ve seen depression in many forms. I’ve been touched by it through people I know and the stories of famous people that make headlines like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Robin Williams, and on and on. Recently, someone I consider a friend via Twitter and Facebook, Sam, lost his son to depression.
Like any loss due to depression, I always feel like I have lost a team member…a family member. Why? Because I too deal with and live with depression and anxiety. Every single time I hear of someone losing their battle with something I carry, I wonder why I have not yet. I wonder if and when my time will come.
I’ve been close a couple of times. I also used to cut myself. I still have faint scars on my upper left arm from that. It’s scary. I know it has worried some people in my life. Some days I am afraid of it…other days I don’t care and I urge the depression to do what it must.
The interesting part of it for me now…is being a father to a two year old. My bigger concerns are him. I hope he does not have what I have. This is one of those things you hope to not pass down. I hope he can live a life without this sometimes crippling disease.
One thing I have learned more than anything is that talking about it has helped me immensely. Sure, it can be difficult to find someone that you feel comfortable talking to about depression and all that goes with it but it is invaluable. It can also be tough to even begin the conversation once you find that person. For me it’s my wife.
Having that avenue to express myself without ridicule has allowed for my good days to far outnumber my bad days. And even my bad days aren’t so bad anymore. It’s not that depression goes away but I, with my wife’s help, have found little things that help me escape the big bouts of depression. For me, things like working out, going to the beach, writing, talking, and accomplishing some things on a to-do list really help me avoid a more serious episode.
My biggest hope for those that have depression is that they reach out, find someone…realize that even in the darkest moments there are people that love you, need you, and would do anything for you. My biggest hope for those that do not have depression but live with someone that does…just be there. Try to talk to them, listen. Learn the signs.
Depression is not a choice. It’s not something that most of us can “get over”. Believe me, we would if we could. I strongly urge anyone with depression to get help. Just like you have a fire escape plan for your home, having an escape plan when depression hits is really important. If you feel you have nowhere to go, contact me and I will see what I can do.
Here are some links to facts about depression and to suicide prevention:
http://www.psychiatry.wustl.edu/depression/depression_facts.htm
http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/
In Canada: http://org.kidshelpphone.ca/
In recent years, I’ve discovered, sadly, that my major responsibility is to help my daughter understand and deal with depression. I think we are both reluctant to lean on each other, but just being together helps.
As you said, there are people who love us. At times, the only thing that keeps me here is not wanting to hurt those that love me.
Daisy, I’ve had those same exact thoughts so many times. Like I’m living this life to make others happy rather than for myself…because some days I wonder why I’m here. For me, find things that I do well or things that boost my adrenalin or endorphins help a lot. Working out, writing, having friends, being productive, going on adventures, the ocean, etc etc. Logically I know I am here for more than just “living for other people”. So my worth and will to live is finding those reasons. it’s actually kind of fun when you can get to that point.
I have more than one person in my family who struggles with anxiety and depression. I have been there myself but for some time now, several years, I have not been in the pit. Idk why. One of my relatives just went through trans cranial magnetic stimulation. The difference in him is life saving, quite honestly. Hoping the effects will last. Depression seems like quicksand. Hard to get out of, but with help, not impossible. My life has been shaped by the depression and anxiety of those around me. They are worth every moment I have given and more. I’m glad you have your wife… I hope your are able to find another person as well… perhaps that would be a good thing. Thanks for sharing. Well said.
Thank you, Lynn. Depression and anxiety run through my family as well. My wife is the one person I talk to about it now although it’s not often I need to talk about it. I have a couple of friends I could talk to if needed. It’s definitely quicksand, as you mentioned. Each individual case is different but I have found that a lot of people can get “better” through counseling, medication, talking about it, or finding purpose in life that outweighs the symptoms of depression. Thank you again.
I’m so sorry Matt. I did not know. Though my bipolar disorder gave me trouble with mania the most at first, now anxiety has been the biggest battle for me and accompanying depression. I don’t prefer one of the three over the other I hate them all and I’m sorry you have to battle anxiety and depression. I have always felt a kinship with you and yet this makes me feel more like a close relative rather than a SoMe friend. Please include me in the friends you talk to. Chances are good you will find me a good listener and up when you are down, It’s funny how that works. I have long cared so much for your whole family from a distance, let me help up close a bit more if you feel like it. You sis in the struggle. Lib
Libby, I greatly appreciate your comment. I have talked about depression and anxiety off and on the last 3 or 4 years. It’s been an attempt to help others feel like they are not alone. You are a strong woman and I really appreciate your friendship.
So glad you wrote it and shared it Matt…. it is just so nice to be able to get more of the picture and for me, I know lots of people who have had tihs struggle. It is really good for all of us to remember depression isn’t just something that grabs headlines but it impacts the hearts and heads of those around us.
Yes indeed, Janice. We are all going through something…not always but often. Compassion and friendship is always a good start to healing anything.
Matt I’m so glad you wrote about your depression. I to have had my bouts and my mother was bipolar to severe extremes. It is one of the toughest diseases to live with for both the sufferer and the loved ones.
When my mom was going thru it in the 60’s and 70’s no one talked about it and that made it SO much worse for everyone involved. Thank god today we can communicate more about it and not judge people because they have it. Unfortunately I have lost a cousin to it about 2 yrs. ago and that is a hard one to swallow. He was unable to accept it and discuss it like you and he did not have the awareness to understand that he could still be loved inspite of it.
You are so fortunate to have a wife that understands it, is willing to go to battle with you on it and love you thru it. Don’t ever discount the fact that you yourslf are making amazing choices in your life that are not only helping you to deal with it but so many others as well.
Love you much brother and as far as I can tell you are kicking depressions ass everyday!
🙂 Thanks, Gina. You’re awesome. I appreciate your words and I know we’ve touched on the subject before. It’s a difficult thing to deal with but if we can make the effort and find the right things for us I think it’s definitely a manageable problem. Really starts with everyone simply being nicer, more compassionate, and understanding to others.
Your last paragraph says it all….and when suffering from depression it is such a blessing when that one crack of light still allows that message to get to our brain…and we hang on…..though for some complete darkness comes and there is not a crack of light even and it is a struggle to see and think clearly……however awareness is the key..awareness, tools, help at early stages….early life even…educate children on tools before they ever even experience depression so hopefully no one ever has to think they are in that dark place alone without help.
Well said, Toni. Thank you. You bring up some great points!
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